Panic Attack: The Struggle Is Real

I've thought about it a long time. How else can I potentially rephrase the title, beautifying it and hopefully hiding the horrendous, cold, hard truth?

But hey, that perfectly defeats the whole purpose of writing this post. I've been wanting to write this post for the longest time; wanting to share a truthful, realistic point of view about mental health issues. It's such a vital part of our lives, essential topic to be discussed, to raise it's awareness. Sadly, it's rarely being talked about. In fact, social expectations have more or less taught us that we should always display our best, perfect, successful and healthy self to the world and simply hide our flaws, struggles, insecurities under the carpet and no one should ever find out.

But today, I'm going out of the norm to talk about a personal experience of mine- panic attacks/ anxiety.

Oh trust me, it's definitely not an easy task to be typing this out. Like I've said earlier, I've been wanting to write this for the longest time, but it's always been a challenge remembering what you've experienced, putting your thoughts into words, and of course, the fear of being judged. Amidst all of the fears and whatnot, a strong motivation tells me that this needs to be done. Someone out there needs to hear it.

So here it is- a real, truthful experience of what its like struggling with panic attacks without trying to normalize or even beautifying it.

--

"My heart is beating really fast right now. Hmm, this is strange. What's happening?" I thought to myself. Before I know it, I realized my hands were shaking, I'm short of breath, trying my best to grasp for air.


"Okay, why are these tears rolling down my cheeks uncontrollably? What. In. The. World. Is Happening to me?" The next second I found myself crying hysterically without any reason.


"Alright, it's fine. It's gonna be fine. Let's take some long, deep breaths. Everything's gonna be just fine." I did everything I can to help myself to stay calm- listening to slow tempo music, taking deep and long breaths, even trying to hum/sing to the music.

Nothing worked. Absolutely nothing.


The whole episode lasted around 30mins, it all happened while I was driving home from work. I had a total of 3 episodes that day, and I was continuously experiencing 2-3 episodes daily for about 2 weeks.

My whole life was messed up. I wasn't able to drive, I wasn't able to work, I was constantly afraid that I'd have an episode in a public area and couldn't do anything about it.

"Why is this happening to me?" is a question I've probably asked a million times whenever I'm having an episode. Can't lie, but it really did annoy the heck out of me when I have an episode and yet I had no sense of control of it at all.

As a music therapist, I've witnessed how hard it is to be struggling with mental illness. I've always knew that it's something out of their control and I'm not gonna lie, I was once pretty judgmental towards this population before having the opportunity to work with them.

My whole perception quickly changed when I personally experienced it myself. It's already dead tough to be dealing with this, yet you have to constantly deal with insensitive comments and questions like,

"Can't you just control it? Just try harder, you're not trying hard enough."

"Treat it like a nightmare, it's fine."

"Why are you crying? Just think of some happy thoughts and you'll be okay."

My point is, it's tough. The struggle is real.

There were days...
where I couldn't get out of my bed, tearing and questioning my worth.
where I have sleepless nights and no appetite at all.
where I have cried in public, feeling like a total burden to my family and friends.

If you're nodding to everything (or most of it, everyone's different) or probably going through the similar situation- you're not alone. 

Let no one tells you that you're not worthy.
Your mental illness does not define who you are, nor your worth.
You deserve to get help, and get on to that path of recovery.

And please do yourself a favor, do not struggle this alone.

Just like any other physical illnesses, it takes time to recover.
Seek help, taking things one at a time, self-care, well deserved rest- all these will do you good :)


A change needs to happen. A change in perception, a change in social norm.

People needs to know that it's perfectly okay to be not okay. There's absolutely nothing wrong having an issue with mental illness.

That's where you can make a difference. Yes, YOU!
You may know of someone whom is struggling with a mental illness, or maybe you're the one struggling with it.

How can one help, you may ask?

A little more love, a little less judgement, and a whole lot more acceptance- that my friends, would make this world a much better place to live in.

Despite having those experiences, I'm truly thankful.
I have learned what its like to be in the shoes of someone struggling with mental illness.
I have learned that choice of words can be a source of encouragement, but it also can easily be a dangerous tool to trigger negative emotions.
I have learned that being vulnerable doesn't mean you're weak, in fact I'd like to call it- the true strength.

For those of you who are wondering how am I currently doing- thankfully, I haven't had an episode for a long time :) Yes, there may be symptoms here and there once in awhile, but not an episode. If you were to ask me, what actually helped me? A whole lot of Jesus and daily dose of music. (and yes, music freaking works. Not saying because I'm a music therapist but it works. Of course, Jesus is freaking real too.)

I sincerely hope that this would raise some awareness and give a glimpse of what it may looks like to be struggling with a panic attack. While there are many different types of mental illnesses and every person's experience might differ, I'd like to encourage you to get yourself exposed to a topic that's rarely being talked about especially in the Southeast Asian countries. You never know how your knowledge could be a help to your loved ones.

All in all, I'm forever thankful for supportive family and friends whom've went out of their ways to accommodate my needs and showered me with love and support. Last but not least, to Jesus who makes all things possible.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

Much love,
Ivy

5 Things Bedbugs Have Taught Me

Well well, you might be scratching your head and wondering what could these little, infectious bugs teach me?


While bedbugs are notorious for it's drive-you-up-the-wall-bites for the constant itch and the beautiful scars they leave behind, the emotional stress you have to go through every morning when you find a new bite and religiously applying insect repellent every night hoping it would shoo the bedbugs away are some real catalysts for stress.

Basically they are thieves of joy, patience, time and money.


Before I continue rambling about bedbugs and leave some of you questioning on my love for this topic and whatnot, here's a little background story-


My roommates (aka housemates) and I have been infested by bedbugs since April '15. After having 7-8 treatments by the pest control, visiting the doctors regarding the bites 3 times (the doctors were amazed by how huge my bites were), having done a million times of laundry, having to pack everything up for the treatment... etc.


Basically, it was a nightmare. It's easy to look back and type this right now; but even so, the thought of going through this again scares me to the core. To cut the story short, we had no choice but to move out as some of the other units at the apartment were infested by it too.

But wait, moving out?! Really?

School has just started and the moving in/out season has way passed and it seemed to be almost impossible for us to get a suitable apartment. How is it possible to even get a unit that caters for all our needs at this off season for apartment hunting? Walking distance to school with great condition and within our budget. Not to mention, we're most likely will be fined for breaking our lease from our brilliantly ridiculous landlord. And being the earthly sandpaper that she is, dealing with her requires immense amount of patience and wisdom.


So, moving out and finding a suitable apartment? Really?


"Ha. Impossible." I thought to myself.

Realistically speaking, it's really pretty impossible. However, there's a little voice that tries to fight back whenever I have this realistic thought.


"So, this is how big your faith is huh? Are you doubting God's ability in this?"


Whoa whoa whoa, hold it up right there. When did I ever say that? I'm not doubting God's power or anything.. but look, it's pretty silly to think that we'll ever have a great option that caters for all our criteria and what more, even better than that? Ha. You gotta be kidding.


After having several battles within myself, I do admit that I was struggling to put my faith in God. I was overwhelmed by all the practical facts that I have forgotten that I was believing in an absolutely sovereign and faithful God that has performed countless of miracles since the very first day.


Being ashamed of how little my faith was, my thoughts were quickly changed to-


"Okay God, the harder the situation, the more glory You'll get from the situation. Alright, You got this. I can't do anything, but You can"

So we spent two whole weeks of contacting agents and viewing potential apartments. It was nonetheless tiring and time consuming, noting that school has already started. We've finally come to a point of choosing between two apartments; which both of them were pretty decent.

To cut the story short, we quickly decided to take the apartment where 3 of us had a great feeling about it. Apparently love at first sight still exist.

The greatest part?

It's even nearer to school compared to our old apartment.
Normal walking speed= 2 minutes, speed walk/ run= within 1 minute

It's in an absolutely good condition.
Newly renovated, all electrical appliances are new. Heat and A/C works perfectly.

Cheaper rent.
Well, just $5 cheaper. But.. still.

Dang. Really?

Wow. I must say miracles do happen.


After researching and consulting people about some legal terms to deal with my landlord (about breaking the lease), and guess what? She simply said yes without giving us any trouble and we didn't have to pay any fines for that. The best part? She sounded pleasant and nice for the very first time. Although to be really honest, I was pretty bumped about it at the same time as I'm all prepared to talk some legal terms with her but I didn't even have the chance to do it.


I was pretty mind blown after the phone call. Knowing that God takes care the tiniest details makes me wonder, how much more does he takes care of the bigger, greater things in our lives?



Now finally, it brings me back to the title of this post:


What have bedbugs taught me?


1. Live in the moment

"So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." Matthew 6:34

No doubt the fear of uncertainties is real, and it's hard to control to how you feel. Since you can't change the situation by worrying and stressing, why not taking one thing at a time? You're not a superman, or any kind of superheroes whom is capable of completing everything in a day. You're given 24 hours daily. How things might turn out is not within our control, but we could certainly control how we live through trials. Choose joy over stress, choose to be thankful over complaining.

2. Embrace vulnerability 

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

How often that we're defeated by our own egos? All the time. Do people know that it's okay to say "I'm not okay."? We have flaws, we are weak and we're certainly not perfect. Cause we're only human beings after all. Putting a strong front and pretending everything's alright is ultimately a sign of egoistic. On our side, we're constantly saying, "I got this. It's all good." while we're actually spiritually, emotionally drowning and helplessly screaming for help. On the other side, God's asking, "Why don't you allow me to help you, my dear child? All you have to do is ask." I've come to learn that being vulnerable isn't a sign of weakness, it's an open door for me to have total dependency on Him; and having God's power and glory to be glorified through me.

3. Step of faith

"By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. 

Hebrews 11:8 "

I adore Abraham, I really do. I admire his faith. How on earth can he has so much faith in God?! Looking at his life, being the father of faith he is, his life is truly filled with incredible miracles and testimonies. When I was looking back at this whole experience, I couldn't help but to notice how everything started from a step of faith. Without having that step of faith of breaking the lease and finding an apartment in such a short time, we'll never be able to step into our Canaan land. Fear and uncertainties are common factors of withholding us from inheriting God's blessing by not stepping out in faith of our comfort zones. Even without seeing the complete picture, Abraham obeyed. Faith means actively acting upon it, even if it requires us to embrace uncertainties. One thing that we know for sure, in the Bible it says, "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." Hebrews 11:6


4. Importance of community

"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." 

Hebrews 10:24-25

God really opened my eyes to see how important community and friendships are through this incident. We're not meant to do lives ourselves, we're meant to do it together. Truly experienced how God could use all sorts of people to help and contribute in ways according to their own individual strengths. Incredibly blessed and thankful for all the prayers, advices, help and support from all the people whom are seriously like angels. I might have said it multiple times, but if you're one of them and you're reading this, do know that your help is greatly appreciated and no matter how big or small your help was, please know that it has greatly impacted us in a positive way :)

5. Joyful Heart

"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 

1 Thessalonians 5:18

I gotta admit this is a heck of a lesson to be learned. How in the world can you be thankful when you're in a situation where you don't see hope? I vividly remember there was one night, I was frustrated, annoyed, stressed, and the itch from the bedbug bites were driving me insane. Sitting on my chair, in tears, being as vulnerable as I could be, I asked God,


"What else can I do? I've done every possible thing and it's clearly not working out. I tried to see things in Your way, Your perspective, but it's so hard and I can't do it. What else can I do?" 


Almost immediately, I was reminded of this verse. "Give t-th-the whaat..? Give thanks in all circumstances?" Walao eh, you kidding or what? 你开什么玩笑？Applying it in this situation is waaaaaaaay harder than I actually thought it would be. After calming down and having a clearer mind, I've noticed that being thankful in this situation has helped me to shift my negative thoughts and to refocus on God. I've also learned that how we react on trials reflect of our perspective and relationship with God. Do we choose to be thankful for the struggle, for it's yet another opportunity for God to reveal His faithfulness and mightiness; or do we choose to drown with disappointments and bitterness?



All in all, it was really an interesting journey to experience God in many different ways. God has been so faithful, as always. I'm thankful for the setbacks, obstacles we had to go through for in return, lessons were learned, relationships were strengthened, God's love, mercy and favor were definitely present throughout.


I didn't understand the purpose of going through this whole incident while I was in it. Taking a step back, looking back at the whole incident, I have come to realize that:


As dots are starting to join, doubts are starting to clear, events are starting to connect; I see nothing but grace. If there's one thing that's constant, it must be God's grace. While people and things may change, God will never change. He is constant yesterday, today and forever.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Be Still? Is that even possible?!

I always believe that the reason why testimonies are so powerful because they are simply real.

And the reason they are real is because God is a living God. (Can I hear an Amen?)


God has opened my eyes and showed me what "Being still" meant months ago and I was completely mind blown by it. (and still am)

When I thought He was done on this topic, He then opened my eyes into seeing things on a completely different level. (Yeaaah, life with Jesus is always exciting.)



You gotta admit that we're living in a crazy world.

Fast, busy, intense, stressful.
That pretty much sums up how people are living their lives now huh?

Let's be real for a moment, shall we?

We're extremely spoilt to have everything instant. Everything fast.


Fast Wifi.
Fast food.
Instant noodles. (Oooohhh how I've missed maggie goreng)

..... the list goes on.


We often found ourselves complaining about how slow something is.

"Mann, the Wifi is super slow today."

"Why is it taking soooo longggg for my food to arrive?"

"It takes FOREVER for my (Forever 21) package to arrive." (No pun intended :P)


But really, how do we even define slow?

How do we even define "It's not happening?"

When are things will finally fall into place?



W h e n ?



Everyday, we have never ending questions to think about. Haunting us day and night.


A million questions of "What if.....", "What's next....?" "How.....?" "When......"

"He says, "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." 

 Psalm 46:10 

Imagine someone saying that to you when you're fully occupied with decisions after decisions, options after options.


..... be still and know that He's God?


Come on, how is that even possible?

Being still in the midst of uncertainties and knowing that He's God.....?

I don't know about you, but it's a tough lesson to learn right there.



Have you ever had that experience where you constantly praying for something and God keeps saying the same thing?

"Be still and know that I am God"


What does it really take to be still?



I'll never forget how God showed up and teaching me this on a whole new perspective.



I was in my room doing devotion. It was one ordinary day. But hey, extraordinary things will miraculously happen when God's presence is present.


I vividly remembered seeing a vision:-


3 very clear alphabets: I L L

There were a few alphabets before the "I L L " but it wasn't clear.

I didn't understand what was it straight away, but I kept praying for God to show me what it meant.

Few days later, it was as if a light bulb was lighted.


It was the word "Still". However, it was clearly separated: ST   ILL 


Before I go on and explain why was it separated, I think it's equally important for us to know that the word "Still"derived from a Hebrew word "raphah" which means "let go", "surrender",  "let yourselves become weak".


Isn't it fascinating to see how that word weighs so much?? Well, that, was an eye opener for me.


Let's start with the 3 "S'"

1. Sovereign
It means absolute power, unrestricted, supreme, unlimited. (Refer to the later part of the verse, "know that I am God"). It's essential to know that He's in control of all things and all things are possible through Him.

2. Surrender
Simply admitting that we are weak and He's strong. Remember "surrender" and "let yourselves become weak" are part of the definition of "raphah"? Being vulnerable, surrender and putting our ultimate faith onto Him.

3. Steadfast
Our God is a steadfast God. He's loyal. He's faithful. He'll certainly let His promises come to pass in your life. When Jesus says "Yes", it means "Yes".


You've probably guessed it, T will be no other than-

Time.
Just how many times we want things to happen in our time? Our selfish, inpatient selves would want things right now. You might want it now, but God might not have the same plan as yours. He'll only make things happen in His timing. Yep, only in His timing. 


Without the 3 S' and T, it will be left with -ill. 

We'll be spiritually, emotionally or even physically ill.


When we're drowned in a pool of uncertainties that life throws at us, be sure to know that God's always there to say

"My Child, I've got this. I knew you before you're even born, do you not trust me? Do you not trust that I've got a plan for your life? A plan that's specially written for you and only you."


What really spoke to me for the past week was these 2 verses:-

"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God.7 Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Luke 12:6-7

"Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one and calls forth each of them by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing." 

Isaiah 40:26 

...wow, did you see what I see?

Are you serious? The King of Most high knows the number of hairs I have when I myself am not sure of?!

If He knows the tiniest detail in your life, does He not know your desires and needs, my dearest brothers and sisters?

I can't explain how incredibly loved I felt when I first read this a couple of days ago. Like hey, if God cares the T I N I E S T detail of your life, does he not care about the bigger, greater things in your life?


I immediately was ashamed of my faith.

Couldn't I trust God on His timing?

Who else can I count on when I can't even wait on the One who created me?




I often would secretly thought to myself,

"Did God forget about this....? or..... ?" 



Let's see what the bible tells us about:-

"God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried it through?"

 Numbers 23:19

When God promised us something, He'll fulfill it in His timing. 


There's absolutely nothing can stop God from making certain things from happening if it's His will.


The God who created the universe, the God who created you and me is the same God who cares for the tiniest detail of your life.



I don't know what season of life you're going through right now.

It may be difficult to walk this journey of faith.

God sees every tear, every broken heart, every struggle.

I'd like to believe that the harder your obstacle, the greater the testimony.




Instead of saying "Why is this happening, God?"

Choose to say, "I can't wait to see how are You turning this situation into a testimony."



Instead of asking "When, God?"

Choose to say, "In You, I'll trust." 

"Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in You I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I left up my soul." Psalm 143:8 

This Little Light of Mine

Music therapy is often being mixed up with music education. While a music educator imparts musical knowledge, a music therapist teaches life skills through music.

One of my music therapy professor once told us in class that, "I think I've learned more from them (children/clients) than what I've taught them."

Back then, it didn't cross my mind how this sentence would impact me. As I learned more about music therapy, getting to be involved in the children's lives, knowing what it really takes to be a music therapist, it's as if my dimmed light bulb was suddenly lighted today, cause... I experienced it myself. 

Today, I understood what my professor was trying to say. I understood what exactly what she meant when she said that.

6 years ago, the doctor said that he wasn't going to live long. He was a typical child for 8 years and he lost his motor skills, communication skills because of a rare disease. He couldn't talk. He couldn't walk. He couldn't move. Today, he was still surviving. 

Name all the couldn't s that you can think of and he'll easily fall into those categories.

This is what I really like about music therapy. It's not about looking at what one can't do, but rather what they can do. 

One of the biggest lesson that I've learned from music therapy was that, it's the little things that count. Even if it's just a simple high 5, establishing an eye contact with you, being alert of his/her surroundings. 

I saw his fighting spirit. I saw how strong he was, his determination, his will power. Even just a smile, even just an attempt to vocalize or even just a simple eye contact. Day by day, even though his days were said to be numbered, I saw his improvement. I saw hope.

"This little light of mine, I'm gonna make it shine, this little light of mine, I'm gonna make it shine.. Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine....."

I will never ever forget how he smiled when he heard this song that his mom used to sing to him when he was a little boy. A sincere smile that comes from the heart, a smile that makes all the hard work worth it. 

A smile that I'll never, ever, forget. 

Thanks kiddo.

Thanks for giving me the honor to be part of your life, even if it's just a little part of it. 

Thanks for teaching me how to observe all the little details.

Thanks for showing what living a life means.

All in all, thank you Jesus for allowing me to experience this when I was having the thought of giving up, when I thought that it was all impossible for an introverted person like me to ace in this major. 

Enough of thinking of all the possibilities of failing, time to make all the impossible, possible through Jesus.

If there's one sentence to summarize everything, it would definitely be this. 

Living everyday like it's your last. 

You never know what's gonna happen next, do you? 

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I'll boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

Snowflake

I was told that snowflakes actually has a shape of it's own. A beautiful, perfect shape like the picture above.

I was walking back home from school and it was snowing. A tiny, gorgeous, perfect looking snowflake gracefully fell on my left palm. Indeed, it looked exactly like the picture above.

I was in awe of God's creation. Like, wow. I always thought snowflakes are some shapes that are made up by people.

These snowflakes couldn't help but made me think of how great God is.

I was and still am amazed by the little details of a snowflake. Such detailed beauty falling from the sky?

He's the creator, designer, artist. Above all, He's God.

What's better, He created you. He created me. He created everyone.

It deeply reminded me about a verse in the book of Matthew.

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they are?" Matthew 6:25

The God who created the snowflakes = the God who created you.

Are you not much beautiful, unique than snowflakes?
Are you not much more valuable than snowflakes?

You are so much more valuable than the birds of the air; you are so much more valuable than the snowflakes because you're the child of the Most High.

"I say, ' You are gods, you are all children of Most High." Psalm 82:6

Let's start the year with reminding ourselves who we are in Christ and conquer the new year together with Him :)

It is well with my soul.

When peace like a river attendeth my way

When sorrows like sea billows roll

What ever my lot you have taught me to say

It is well, it is well with my soul

It is well, with my soul

It is well, it is well with my soul

Though the devil will ruin, though trials may come

Let this blessed assurance control

That Christ has regarded my helpless estate

And He shed His own blood for my soul

This is a hymn written by Horatio Spafford.

 So probably you'd think this beautiful hymn was written on a lovely day. How Spafford was sitting under a tree, birds chirping away, sipping a cup of tea and there he is, jotting his inspiration down on his note pad. (lololol you get the idea.. don't you?) hehe.

You are wrong.

So. So. Wrong!

Spafford wrote this hymn after traumatic events in his life. First, he had some serious financial crisis at which that time he had planned to travel to Europe with his family. However, he sent his family ahead first due to some business issues he had to deal with. On the way there, the ship sank and all his 4 daughters died. Only his wife survived.

He wrote that while he was on the way to meet his wife. 

.... like really?

Can one actually say "It is well with my soul" after losing your business, losing all your four daughters? 

Come on, you're basically losing everything.

But hey, if you were to look it in this way, Spafford didn't lose everything. Why?

If Jesus is his everything, he still has everything, no?

I'd probably say that's one of the highest level of faith anyone could ever have. 

One can never say "It is well with my soul" when God is not his #1 in his/ her life.

Knowing God is in control in all of your struggles and difficulties is one thing, praising God in spite of your troubles in your life....?

That's the bomb. 

"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Dream, Purpose, Life?

I'll always remember how people used to ask me what my dreams were when I was little. 

I'll still remember how I used to pause, stare in the air, think and finally answered, " I don't know".

... I don't know. 

Dare to dream. Dare to dream. Dare to dream. 

That 3 words haunt me. 

How in the world can you possibly do that when you didn't have a strong stirring passion in you and a direction to go towards it?

After all, I wouldn't mind living a simple and peaceful life (like seriously). I'm an easily contended person, hence I guess dreaming big wasn't something that I thought of before. 

It wasn't long ago that I started to seriously think about how was I gonna live my life. 

I was thinking, well.. God has a purpose in everyone's lives. So... He has a purpose for me too right?

Am I gonna graduate, have a stable job, get married, have kids like every other normal human being?

That's it? 

There's certainly more than that. 

Yep, I knew I was gonna do music but honestly.. I don't think I was that passionate about it. 

You'll know it when you're passionate about something. There's a fire stirring and burning in your heart. You'll get oh so excited and you'll have endless things to talk about it. 

Just to side track a little bit, my dad is a serious loyal fan of Liverpool. He's passionate about Liverpool. It's impossible to NOT know he's a fan if you're living in our neighborhood. 

"GOAAAAAAALLLLL!!"

"AHH COME ONNN!"

"YESSSSS, WELL DONEEEEEE!!!" *claps loudly*

Yeah, you get the picture. That's passion right there. 

You don't have to tell people that you're passionate about something, you'll show it naturally, through your actions. 

A dream, is a passion that God puts in your heart. 

You may or may not have discovered it yet, but deep inside your heart, it's lying there waiting to be discovered.

It's like playing treasure hunt. Well, dream is a treasure. 

What's more beautiful is that this dream aligns perfectly with God's purpose in your life. 

Words can't describe how beautiful this process of asking God what's your purpose in life, waiting on Him, discovering your purpose, moulding your character and finally becoming the person God has destined you to be. 

You may have a thousand and one dreams to fulfill in life, but hold on. 

Are they yours, or are they from God?

Some people have waited a life time for God's promises to come to pass. 

You may ask," is that worth it? "

"That's crazy, I've been waiting for too long. God may have forgotten about me."

God promised Abraham that he'll have a son, but did God tell him when? 

Abraham was 100, Sarah was 90 when they had Isaac. 

That's right, they weren't patient, they were doubting God, they even used their "own ways" to work things out. 

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declared the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways" Isaiah 55:8-9

Do you think Abraham and Sarah would still be impatient and used their own ways if God told them  they were going to have a child on that certain day, month, year?

This is why the Scripture says we shouldn't be living by sight, but we should be living by faith. It's humanly impossible for Abraham and Sarah to have Isaac at such an old age, but with God? Nothing is impossible. 

When God gives you a promise, He'll make it come to pass. It may not be happening right now, but it's definitely going to come to pass in His timing. 

Coming back to myself. I'm so, so, so, thankful that I've waited for God's answer on what major I'm gonna major in Berklee.

2 years may seem to be quite a long while (this is obviously nothing compared to how Israelites waited for 40 years and Abraham waited for Isaac) for God to give a confirmation, but I must say the longer you wait, the sweeter your reward is.

Everyday, I'd thank God for putting this passion in me. I didn't realize I had that passion for music therapy till not long ago. I can't stress how amazing God's timing was. I can't stress how amazing God is. 

To be able to do what you love, to be able to know that this is a road that God wants you to take is the best feeling ever. 

...best. feeling. ever.

If God says wait, just wait. 

Cause trust me, every second will be worth it. 

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you. plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11